I went to Hot Docs Podcast Festival

Hot Docs Podcast Festival

Normally I just post about my creative projects. But, I’m wondering if I should start posting more ordinary things, like when I go to an event. Because then maybe my blog could be a lifestyle blog, and people will come to my blog to learn about what’s going on in Toronto. Or what went on in Toronto, if I’m posting about it afterward. Anyway, my friend Amanda Blain, a successful blogger and tech expert, says I should just experiment on the Internet, trying things and seeing what happens. So, here we go. I’m just going to paste in what I wrote for the description of the Facebook album I made for the 5 photos I took. And then I’ll past a link to those photos. Let me know if you think that putting this kind of thing on this blog is useful, or if I should stick to my posting about my creative projects, and leave my selfies and daily activities for my Facebook and Instagram. Now, here’s what I wrote for Facebook:

This morning I went to Hot Docs Podcast Festival‘s opening panel, “Making, Supporting and Marketing Your Show”. I still need to begin the “making” part. But still, it was inspiring to learn from the panel, which was Avery Swartz, JP Davidson, Dan Misener, Katie Jensen and Hannah Sung. Avery runs Camp Tech, where I’ve taken many classes, including JP’s podcasting class. The usher said I could sit in one of the fancy reserved seats that wasn’t being used. And on which I got a free reusable bag with the Casper mattress logo on it. During the mingling in the lobby after, I listened in as Katie (pictured in selfie background) answered questions from budding podcasters, and then as Dan (pictured in other selfie background) did the same. I’m SO close to starting a podcast, I can taste it! Or maybe I’m just tasting the lovely free cheese and cold cuts that were at the mingling session.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10154704030872459&set=a.10154704036167459.1073741886.508477458&type=3&theater

Colbert stole my stress eating joke

On Nov. 22, 2015, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert plagiarized a space egg sketch that I did 20 years earlier on community cable. See the comparison for yourself at my blog post here.

And almost exactly a year later on Nov. 9, 2016, he’s done it again. This time, he plagiarized my Instagram and Facebook photo of me stress eating in a pub while watching the Nov. 8 American election. #election2016

Here’s the photo I posted:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10154670925462459&set=a.454216732458.256508.508477458&type=3&theater

Now check out Stephen Colbert’s sketch from Nov. 9. The relevant part starts at 9:37:

Yes, at 10:10, you saw this:

 A joke about a bald stress eater watching the election, which Stephen Colbert stole from the photo of bald Josh Rachlis stress eating while watching the election. A joke about bald stress eater watching the election, which Stephen Colbert stole from the photo of bald Josh Rachlis stress eating while watching the election.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A bald guy stress eating while watching the election. He’s got his food dangling outside his open mouth, just like I did. Heck, now that I’m looking at it again, he even looks like exactly like me. Holy crap. IS that me?!

Oh, but how do I know he’s bald, you ask? Because first of all, you can see his sides are shaved close. Nobody does that unless they’re going bald. Also, nobody wears those Oliver Twist newspaper boy hats, especially indoors, unless they’re bald. Trust me. I bought one of those hats, at Le Chateau. But it was too small for my head, so I gave it to my sister. Also, I was actually wearing a hat (specifically, a toque) on my head for earlier photos in the pub:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10154677104427459&set=p.10154677104427459&type=3&theater

But I took off my toque…

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10154677105012459&set=p.10154677105012459&type=3&theater

…because I didn’t want it to look like I was hiding the fact that I’m bald. Like this guy clearly is.

So! If Colbert can make fun of Melania Trump for plagiarizing Michelle Obama’s speech, surely it’s time for him to fess up to plagiarizing my jokes? Or, at least, hire me as a writer on the show? That’s right, I’m open to bribery. Because not only do I have no hair, I have no shame. And no job.

Ok, fine. I have shame. And I could get a job. But still, if I’m already writing Colbert’s jokes, I might as well get paid for it. I need to pay for all this food I’m stress eating.

I expose the truth about the Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk fight!

The news is saying that Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk had a fight at Wimbledon. But, I’ve used my James Bond-like mind to analyze the footage and I’ve taken this screengrab:

Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk fight

I’ve noticed that the woman behind and to the left of Bradley is crying too. So maybe Bradley was in a polyamorous relationship and just broke up with both of them? But wait… The woman on the left, beside Benedict Cumberbatch, doesn’t look too happy either. And that blonde women a row ahead and all the way to the right seems downright disgusted. I’m starting to think that this wasn’t a fight at all – Bradley just let out a really bad fart! And the guy in front of Bradley is looking for who made the fart. Either way, Irina, I’ll date you. I will never fight with you. And I will never fart.

Check out my Facebook post to see what the masses think of my investigative work:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10154297362092459&set=a.448827517458.252933.508477458&type=3&theater

 

 

 

I thought the turndown service was robbers

Next week I’m going to LA, so I’m trying to clear out my inbox so I can have a clear head while I’m there, in case I run into any celebrities who want me to interview them or I run into Emily Ratajkowski who wants me to marry her. (And why wouldn’t she want to marry me? I mean, besides my Daniel Craig looks, she’d get to be Emily Rachlis, which keeps the first couple of letters in her name, and is shorter and a bit easier to spell. Remind me to pitch her on this if I run into her.)

ANYway, one old email I came across was this:

YouTube reply to my hotel comment

Which was a reply to a comment I left on this Amy Schumer video where the joke is that she thought all the service in a fancy hotel was the work of ghosts:

And I realized that it’s all kind of appropriate at the moment, because the comment I left under the video was a story about my first time in LA. So I thought I’d share the story with you, since everyone was liking it and commenting on it on YouTube. And by everyone, I mean two people. But even One Direction had to start with just two fans right? No, I guess they didn’t. But screw them – They just announced that they’re going on hiatus in March and they’re breaking my heart!

ANYway, here’s the story I left under the video:

“This sort of actually happened to me. I’m a Copywriter, and I was shooting my first commercial out of town, in LA. We were staying at the Mondrian, a fancy hotel on Sunset Boulevard. When I got back to my room at the end of the first day, I was terrified to find that the door to the balcony was open, letting a light breeze blow through the white curtains. And little tea light candles had been lit around the room. And the bed had been made. I instantly thought I’d been broken into and robbed and started looking for my stuff. Today I know that the room had just been “turned down” by the staff, who made it all swank for me to return to. Anyway, I hardly travel for work now. I guess that’s good, because now I don’t have to deal with candle-lighting ghost robbers anymore.”

And here is what that story looks like on YouTube, including all 2 of the comments:

My comment on Amy Schumer hotel video

Now that I’ve just read that story again, I realize I probably could have punched it up (which is comedy-writing industry slang for adding humour. I think.).  It might have been funnier if I’d added something like, “I came back to my room and was, like, I’ve been robbed! The robbers have decided to let in a refreshing breeze! They’ve lit candles to set a romantic mood! But why? Why?! To mock me! To seduce me? To distract me from the fact that all my stuff is missing? I don’t even own any stuff!” Which is a good point. What did I think they were stealing? My underwear? Speaking of underwear, I just remembered: On that trip, I ordered some Hanes T-shirts to be mailed to my hotel. There was a certain type of heavy cotton T-shirt that I had found once in Canada but then they didn’t sell in Canada anymore and wouldn’t deliver to Canada. And I’m very picky about my T-shirts. It’s hard to find ones with just the right thickness and neck shape. But even those special T-shirts surely hadn’t arrived when my room was first turned down. So all I had was old crappy T-shirts. The robbers would have been doing me a favour to rob me. Ok, maybe I had a laptop to steal. But, this was probably 2005. Did we have laptops back then? Was I writing scripts on parchment? Why can’t I remember? I’d check my Facebook to see but… Oh, we didn’t have Facebook back then! I do remember that Jesse Eisenberg walked into the hotel. I heard a bouncer say: “Hey Jessie.” And I wanted to run up to Jesse and say: “I loved you in that movie where you went around to parties with your uncle all night.” But I didn’t run up to him. And now he’s Lex Luthor. And there’s no way I’m going to run into Lex Luthor on next week’s trip.

ANYway, I didn’t punch up the YouTube comment with that rant about “I’ve been robbed!”, because a) I didn’t think of it when I was writing the comment, b) YouTube comments probably don’t deserve much thought or any punching up, and c) That additional stuff I just proposed probably isn’t very funny anyway.

So… Fingers crossed I’ll have a more hilarious story to tell you about the cheap motel that my New Zealand friend Lauren has booked us near Hollywood Blvd!

I explain to Judd Apatow why Toronto’s mayor was ousted

Last night at An Evening with Judd Apatow & Leslie Mann at TIFF Bell Lightbox in Toronto, Judd kept asking interviewer Richard Crouse, and the audience, why Toronto mayor Rob Ford had been removed from office that morning. If I’d had the nerve to put my hand up during the Q&A, I would have explained it to Judd. Instead, I filmed myself explaining it in the empty theatre afterward. Because that’s how I roll.